The poison in my blood....!

October 8^th 2011,

Do you breathe the name of your life,

In the hour of need?

This is what you call “avoidance to the last breath…” Avoided, Ignored, shattered.

“..yes, feed the rain,

I am thirsty for your love….,

….Its nothing but the carnival of rust!”

The wind fluttering and whispering its worth beside me, and perhaps I should fall for its truth. Yes, I need you, I need you, desperately, beside me. Home, again, and the reign of insult of my self-esteem, self-confidence, inflicted arrows of blood with words as beautiful as ‘a bodyguard of girls’, begun, with painstaking pain.

“Don’t walk away, Don’t walk away….”

Enigmatic red circles, embedded beside the white ones… I still remember the words you yelled at me…I am true to you, I never grassed on you, never. I am true, scintillating with blood of my veins, cut deep inside me, far deeper than you would ever understand. I remember. I do. That you don’t give a “damn about me in front of your…” and neither I come anywhere near you of your “true life…”

“…and I will use my lips to kiss,

Your frown away…..

…and I  will follow you all the way…   “

Spiralling inwards, the dots of truth, the bloodline of the sky, the deep blue sky. I can never, ever, follow my zenith, and I know, I will be spiralled inwards in this beautiful enigmatic heartbeat. There will be at times this wind to guide me, to sway me to another fathomless breath, another speckled life…and must I say, that I will be drowned away by this addiction of a beautiful life, a beautiful dream….mary jane, mary jane….save me!

“ All my love, if its all I can do….

I will take the fall for you….”

Beaten, mocked and stained deep inside this thumping chamber... Seconds are enough, enough to shoot you with bullets, you won’t get a second to look, to cut yourself, deep. Time and again, thousands of sunlight strike at a second…but I still bleed, red…

“Now that you’re gone….

Hold me in your eyes……”

Look up! The sparkling smile of thousands of dots above you…most of them already died, painful existence! Shit! But then, I have wings and I now can fly, beyond your own imagination… contrastingly I was crippled, heavy, insane, to follow all the way, beyond this small little bridge…

I breathe this heavy black atmosphere, making tons of spiralling circles together, all black, but too beautiful…this is nice…too let your tears die away slowly with time, imminently. Oh! I am shot! Shot in the head….mary jane, I have you..!

“..When violet eyes get brighter,

And heavy winds go lighter…

..I will taste the sky and feel alive again…”

I pierced myself. Tasted its looming shadow, poisoning myself with this invaluable red blood roses…I fetched it for you…baby…I fetched it for you…And I really pierced myself!