Nothing in this world fits in.
You have to make room for yourself and make it large. You have visions, dreams,
everything you wanted right in front of your coming years. All that counts.
Yes, it does. At least, you yearn for them; dream big and you want them right
from the moment you have contemplated big. But, you never know what might
happen, in those coming years and yes why would you ever in this earth think
that everything about you will change? Even the dreams, you dreamt gets
distorted, gets warped in space-time continuum. You create a worm hole for
yourself, where everything in you gets sucked in, like a big fat truth. Yes it does. You lose sight of yourself,
what you exactly are, and the one whom you thought to be your own lyrical world,
like a beautiful butterfly swinging its wings in this non-linear, non-solvable
world would ever turn you down; and never in your slightest dreams, you ever
surmised amongst all those thoughts you surmised, would run away slowly at the
sight of “togetherness” and thus all the way deep down in your own thoughts
would get tangled up and become the string theory problem.
“….and I don’t want
you to feel sorry for me,
You never gave us a
chance to be…”
I don’t know what I was thinking about, but still, these are
the fragments of an afterthought of an event you never in reality you wanted it
to happen. But it happened still…shit!
An event! I would rather say a string of events where you and your same past
happenings bang you right at your face.
How on earth did I ever know that I would end up like this shit?
“…just wanted you
to tell me the truth,
You know I’d do
that for you,
So why are you
running away…”
There’s this sarcasm in my story, I never imagined. I thought I would be happy when she would
say we won’t be together after these IISER years. I thought I would be. But
smack that again at my face. Seriously smack that! She blurted it out loud.
Quite clearly, I was supposed to be happy but you see nature loves irony and
here I am writing it out loud as she said it out loud. Every single word that
she blurted out still rings in my ears every night I go to sleep. And then all
those strings of imaginations gets entangled in my own non-linear networks of
nerves which again theoretically has no solutions; quite right it is you see, I
seriously don’t have a solution. But I was supposed to be happy. That should be
the story, isn’t it? Where did I go wrong?
How come she is running away? How
come I got degraded from everything in this place to a speck of just a vile
support? And so she just wants to let it be, let it be what it is. So look
there I am a vile support.
“….I was the one
who was lifting you up..
When you thought
you had enough,
And when I get
close, you turn away,
There’s nothing
that I can do or say..”
Look, I am not at
all complaining; you are getting me wrong. I am letting it be, but I am left
wondering “what the fuck happened.” Why is she running away? Why everything about
her is changing and why the fuck my heart thumps otherwise whenever she says “there’s no point talking about this?” It
should beat not thump for god’s sake!
There’s no point writing about this. For God’s sake, I
know when I am writing this I sound pathetic.
You all know who can write this and if you have guessed
it right, then I deserve the last line I
wrote...
Thank you!
