10mscrazies.weebly.com

I was very nostalgic today. I saw the site that we created (curiosity? here it is, 10mscrazies.weebly.com); so many hopes were with us, expectations of creating a twin tower out of the site...and now its all but anything. Surely we lost. When i look back, i remember the passion that was within us, every second of it wasted in building and modifying the site...but now just dust. Those who were with me in creating the site, will definitely feel this, will definitely be nostalgic about it.

I remember xabp, and the wildest thoughts that he carried and shared with me. I should say, it lifted my heart and i would immediately imagine myself in a different context. Well, i miss it. I regret it.  

I dont want to write more..
I was there.
It was brilliant.
I lost it.

Serendipity..??

With a new hope, and a new beauty, around me. I stole it. Yeah. I did..But wait, there's still more and a long way to go. You see, i am diving back into the self-pitiful work of a researcher. Researcher. Eh, high hopes, i guess. But, the work is too too white and heart-thumping. Regulons of a whole new molecular basis of microscopic systems. Silencing of genes, in a very whole new way.

I recently came across an article that cites one of my most curiously studied subject. Prediction of genes using fourier analysis. That was cool. The aim is too use the periodicity of three base pairs which codes an amino acid. And then use fourier analysis to examine its periodicity and then develop tools to recognise the coding regions. This was another interesting thing i came across in this span of fifteen days.

This was all a new world around me. The conference. And the motivation. All at one go. This was way too much for me to gulp all those brilliant ubiquitous research. Research! The word and the world of it, has a whole new dimension. I never knew, research is done in such an extensive ways outside, people drooling and drowning themselves over it. One of those yearly author of at least one article (almost..there) of Nature, said he wanted to carry on for another twenty more years. Huh! That was one blow for me. He is almost retiring and he still wants to continue for another twenty more years. How can he think like this? It is against the laws of aging and nature. He can't and he shouldn't even think about it. He is a disgrace to nature..isn't he? or is it, me? Whatever..but how much does he think he will do? How much?
 Here, i am sitting lazily, surmising of those mesmerizing moments of my childhood.......shit! All that went like a bullet...


Small ribonucleic acids, interfering at every possible way it can. There, you stand up and touch the temperature of 42 degrees and with a minute scale evolution, ribonucliec acids zoom you stable. This is a whole new world of it. Another thirty decades will go for its dedicating to our mortal body.

I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
But i know i have to.

To her Majesty.......!!!

 Oh! What brings me!

To a place, where my blood can’t be?

Unpleased and Betrayed

She gave me a look, she got me swayed!

Oh! I am a lie,

Trapped in my thoughts, ungracefully

Beneath this moonlit sky

Like I am a child, trembling ruefully...

Oh! Her deceptive stare,

And so I fell, for this forgotten snare...

Silence, is all is here,

But i am a lie, so am i wretched dear?

Oh! This dreary drink,

Saddens the wind around me,

And her flirtuous wink,

Spills my dull wine, all around the sea.

Oh! This lifeless life,

Blinded by you, blinded by this knife,

The stars are yet so bright,

Can’t you see that it’s me they chide?

Oh! This rueful roses,

Smells then of my beautiful past,

But she still dozes,

As her flattery had me for this last!!

The poison in my blood....!

October 8^th 2011,

Do you breathe the name of your life,

In the hour of need?

This is what you call “avoidance to the last breath…” Avoided, Ignored, shattered.

“..yes, feed the rain,

I am thirsty for your love….,

….Its nothing but the carnival of rust!”

The wind fluttering and whispering its worth beside me, and perhaps I should fall for its truth. Yes, I need you, I need you, desperately, beside me. Home, again, and the reign of insult of my self-esteem, self-confidence, inflicted arrows of blood with words as beautiful as ‘a bodyguard of girls’, begun, with painstaking pain.

“Don’t walk away, Don’t walk away….”

Enigmatic red circles, embedded beside the white ones… I still remember the words you yelled at me…I am true to you, I never grassed on you, never. I am true, scintillating with blood of my veins, cut deep inside me, far deeper than you would ever understand. I remember. I do. That you don’t give a “damn about me in front of your…” and neither I come anywhere near you of your “true life…”

“…and I will use my lips to kiss,

Your frown away…..

…and I  will follow you all the way…   “

Spiralling inwards, the dots of truth, the bloodline of the sky, the deep blue sky. I can never, ever, follow my zenith, and I know, I will be spiralled inwards in this beautiful enigmatic heartbeat. There will be at times this wind to guide me, to sway me to another fathomless breath, another speckled life…and must I say, that I will be drowned away by this addiction of a beautiful life, a beautiful dream….mary jane, mary jane….save me!

“ All my love, if its all I can do….

I will take the fall for you….”

Beaten, mocked and stained deep inside this thumping chamber... Seconds are enough, enough to shoot you with bullets, you won’t get a second to look, to cut yourself, deep. Time and again, thousands of sunlight strike at a second…but I still bleed, red…

“Now that you’re gone….

Hold me in your eyes……”

Look up! The sparkling smile of thousands of dots above you…most of them already died, painful existence! Shit! But then, I have wings and I now can fly, beyond your own imagination… contrastingly I was crippled, heavy, insane, to follow all the way, beyond this small little bridge…

I breathe this heavy black atmosphere, making tons of spiralling circles together, all black, but too beautiful…this is nice…too let your tears die away slowly with time, imminently. Oh! I am shot! Shot in the head….mary jane, I have you..!

“..When violet eyes get brighter,

And heavy winds go lighter…

..I will taste the sky and feel alive again…”

I pierced myself. Tasted its looming shadow, poisoning myself with this invaluable red blood roses…I fetched it for you…baby…I fetched it for you…And I really pierced myself!

Thanks to her...

There are certain people in this distracted world that sometimes make you feel that whatever you are are just because they are with you. Well, what do i think of those people as such? You can't tell. They realize and very well know that your very existence is because they have played one emotional acting in your frustrated life and pulled you right from behind. Thats true, but then you are happy too. But then, well, what am i exactly complaining? Look, here i tell you what i feel.

They appear, appearance is the one camouflage that they will use, (rightly saying, i don't know whether it's in their genes) to fly you away with their words. Sweet Revenge. Darn, you will get swayed. Yes you will. You get startled, bowled over, smoked and you will be like thinking over and over again, "what's wrong with you?"

Their right comes first. That's true always. We are nonentities in this physical world for them, speckled with dust and stain of our past. We are anti-particles for them, our laws defined and bounded like a closed set, with a finite radius even the boundary conditions and points are not well defined. It's like our feelings are closed of a set Z>=1 . What the ............??

We are what they call male chauvinists. Crap! This is what we get after a series of yes to their non-socializing questions, after yet another long debate and arguments about whose life revolves around this closed set and who is actually the boundary point. This is yet again ridiculous....

The Top floor..........

Now that my foot has settled down for sure, there are so many things going in and out of my mind. Well, not exactly my mind, whatever you want to call it, but then talking about mind, you seriously can't take it to be my brain, a complex of complexes of neurons that are too complex to study physically. Complex Analysis. This time we are going through a course of complex analysis, but wait a second, don't even give a second thought about it, coz its nothing related to my brain and mind. Complex Analysis cannot explicitly explain the complex of complexes.

Here i go, under this roof in JC Bose, the floor beneath the top floor (huh, its not the twin towers that once existed) Its sunny, its sweaty, its hot. And its humid. Though i am running my nose much too often, sigh its a relief! Serene, calm, as i looked outside. Not a single soul passed by my sight. The sight is perfect. Lush green grass, reflecting the green rays of the sun! I am at a perfect position to view this beautiful enigmatic picture. Silence. I wonder, with this little wind that is blowing, how much of my body weight would be reduced and deflected the moment i push myself from this floor. Bloody hell, that would be fun, though. The wind cutting through your ears, brushing your hair across. Oh, well!

Take a bow,

Dust.......!!!

Its more than what i thought it would be. Mr. Xabp, if by any chance you are reading it, life has changed drastically out here, after you left. Your theories and then modified innovative ideas of us, well, they are smoked into a pile of dust (your roomies were the first to do that, by the way), none the less, there is nobody to push up the system-of-ideas. Just one word. Gone.GONE.
Pathetic. I am tuned into myself these days. Shortly there is this idea that i will share.....

So thanks anyway,

Take a bow.....

Passionate!!

Eyes widening, blood whispering,

I, lying down, helplessly,

Crippled I am, yet, I am singing,

I crawl, eyes shut, silently…

I pierced myself, with pain so true,

Darkness evolving, so out of this blue,

I sharpen my teeth, eyes gaping wide,

I yell, ‘Its you, my love, you smite!”

Oh! I am so desperately majestic,

Blood in my heart, beaming lovely,

I fly, though I crawl, with blood in me,

Oh! My lovely love, its you that will be in the sea.

I ate my throat, life still at this depth,

Barking relentlessly, I crawl for this life,

Hatred , I see, is what brings me in this death,

Oh! My beautiful love, this is me with the knife.

I kissed her cheek, passion so true,

Her love, indeed, majestically untrue,

Tears of blood, in my eyes, it flew,

Oh! My love, it’s in me, you never knew.

Her throat, Oh! So lovely, as I smelled,

Pain in my heart, pain, as she yelled,

Oh! My love, I am so bruised, my love!

Blood pouring my lips, tears falling from above.

Oh! Helplessly, she opens her eye,

Why? O why? It was always a lie?

I pierced my heart, with a knife, so red.

I lie beside, and in my heart, I bled….

                 

Whats in for me??

Quantum is underway and i am way too excited. Last chance and perhaps the deciding  semester. Physics or Biology... Well, biology gives me this inside feeling and every time i read about an experiment or read a paper. Its obsessive and well very extensive and with physics it adds up the spice. The profs of bio are awesome (exception this semester) You look around and you feel the world is precisely a biological process and with physics it makes it much more easy. Physics is interesting, physics is gapingly awesome, physics is passion and madness. Biology is silent, true, more faithful, and is an obsession once it gets into your blood. Truly, it is and both compliment each other perfectly. I had always loved physics or i had thought, but in fact its not physics which i had always loved. Its the largest and the smallest explanations of the largest and the smallest thing present in this universe. Before coming here, it was physics which i had acquainted myself with to explain the tiniest and the biggest explanation. But then, there stands biology giving the best possible explanation you would get in the entirety, that eats your heart with passion and obsession.  well, lets hope for the best.


Take a bow,

The Viento 

The last piece......

I can't find the actual reason! I can't find why i still think i need some more time. I am impalpable. That's obvious. But Still? This is ridiculous! Neurophysics was obsessive, thought i couldn't figure out most of its feeling! Its all mathematical and no more philosophical and biological. I coudn't imagine, yet i think it was worth a shot. Figuring out the code and all the nonlinear mathematics was quite a bit of fun. But it didn't give any peace of mind, any tranquility behind those symbolic numbers and constants. Sigh! I was looking for that.
Fortunately, i didnt get the eccentric piece of "nirvana" i was looking for in it. Well, perhaps to be frank, it went haywire in the last of my days as i took to writing pieces of lyrics and blogs...and waste most of my time thinking bullshit theories, which perhaps were so pathetic and yet not at all improbable.

But....hmph.....i didn't get what i am looking for in science...maybe next time, i have the last chance....!!

Vile Thoughts...!

Here i go again, drunk in my own self-destructing memories. Damn, this things doesn't go at all. Memories! Darn, they are too exhausting even to let it go. Pain is better than these vile memories. Silent it is, in it, yet so destructive.
Oh!  i wish i were so invisible, atleast to her. I just wish i never had listened to Vanilla Twilight and get drunk in my own self-replicating thoughts.

I fall from this high hopes of my own life when these memories cross me everytime the sky cries, so silently! I love it when this pain hits me; hits me like an invisible bullet, brushes me inside out, tears are just a silent pay for my misled thoughts. How do i control the vaccum of thoughts, entirely of her?? How do i let the song to stop echoing?? How do i control my excruciating yell?
The wind is so silent beside me, ruflling around my ears whispering the lie that i always thought to be so true. I was and so were my feelings! Perhaps, somewhere i went wrong. And this darn do imaginations are costing me a lot.
Why did i again thought that the world will appear flat to me? Why did i ever had the slightest of thoughts that it was true? Huh, i am too drunk these days in her thoughts.
I lie awake in the Hut, just like the moon, reflecting its painful colour, yet no one but me to appreciate the beauty it reflects. Sigh! I am not talking sense perhaps. The wind still keeps blowing, echoing the presence and songs of her. MAN! What do i do?   
I walk this lonely road, but this time only the wind whispering the pain i feel!
But then, i love it!

12:30 am
The Hut
16th July

The Truth...!

Alive but not living, Dead but not departed!



Darn! its those beautiful evenings with a light drizzle again that you would wish too pass soon. Yet i find it so majestically beautiful. I am listening to Vanilla Twilight, and well, broken fragile thoughts knock your heart out, unforgiving and yet so colossal.

Every day, i am trying to forget a little more about her. Yes i do. Its exhausting and yet so compelling. The very existence of mine gets diminished a little more. I really don't know whats happening. Profoundly deep it is, within my soul and singing with a lie. The very unconventional lie that surrounds every human being! What exactly does relationship tell? The interactions are mostly a lie, not profound for most. And here i am, sucked up beside this slight drizzle,  dreary thoughts about her that were so contrary. I perhaps was misled by myself. I was so wrong!
It has no meaning, like an empty vessel, that keeps echoing her presence.
It grasps you from inside, and i am trying to run far away from this hard truth......

Its better to stop believing in love..
Darn..

God Abhors naked Singularities.....!!!

Restricted....this is gonna go worse...!!!

Naked. The very word makes us yell or gape in excitement (for some), and adrenaline and testosterone gets charged.....and of course not to forget, for the least...what the f?? But its true, we have been made in such a way that our culture or our tradition has itself deep-rooted our minds with the fact that dancing and running around naked is abhorred. Whoa what if...? Well, i wont comment.... though Its the famous Stephen Hawking line......

Now, ahem... let me start. Singularities. Well, or singularity is the point of breakdown of physics laws where matter gets destroyed and collapse to the point of just a dot, like the dot in "i". Black holes, we all know, can't be seen, coz of course, light gets red-shifted more and more before they reach us and it takes infinite time to reach an observer just situated outside the Event Horizon. But once you're inside you will be sucked up pretty big time. Now for an observer just outside the event horizon, life would practically normal.
Naked Singularities doesnt have an event horizon. That means if there ever is anything like a naked singularity, we will observe it NAKED! But well, GOD, you have to believe in it. And much to our surprise, there has still a debate over this Naked singularity and well as of now, nothing of such is seen. There you go! We are just not allowed to see something naked! Physicists say, its because the breakdown of every single laws of physics!! So we are like forbidden, but yes the The Loop Quantum Gravity do suggest there should exist a Naked Singularity! This naked singularity as of many scientists had suugested can be A Worm Hole. Whoa! A Bloody Worm Hole! You fall into it and maybe space-time travel can lead you to your past, but future is what the worm holes are thought to lead to!! Amazing ainn't it? The space-time gets curved so much that this singularity can actually lead you to beyond your reality! Well, this is what researchers say not me..!!

Now, the main thing! You see, science, tradition, and The higher power, seems to me like one unified something! For the singularity, the event horizon is like its bloody godforsaken clothes! We are just not allowed to have a peep! There you go again! See. If you peep! You're gone! wtf? That's true! You give a "peep" to someone you fancy and it's just abhorred!! Punishments, like real bloody  punishments follows! This is just deep rooted in our every nerve and blood! That's how we are made!

God does abhors naked singularities! That's true....Even if you are so lucky enough to see it, you actually have to give your life doing that! Weird, that it happens in our regular life! Naked singularities are truly exciting and it does turns your testosterone up to high levels! This is same with human mind! Everything is this world are inn relationship with the other in some way or the other.

But that then, let me tell you, that this is not a stupid rhetoric...ahem! \:P/

Rennaiscence at home once agan....!!!

10:25 PM
JC Bose Library
Temperature 20 degree Celsius ( thanks to the AC)

Can't be much happier. Back at home, and back is my freedom. Freedom can be anything. Like spanking my roomie's ass as hard as i want. just a prick of joke. No Offence! But i m beyond my own bliss to know what i am writing and to take any offence from someone who reads this piece of shit!! Well, half of my classmate's are out here, doing what we call scientific projects. But to be frank and to be righteous, we and many of my friends hardly know there exact topic or their exact title!! Funny, right?

I met Naman and we laughed our ass off when we both idiots started talking about Aishwarya....well, i wont exactly divulge now what exactly i mean by that! But still, it was hell nice to see most of our friends out here.

Precisely, i would like to tell that, now atleast i can shout my throat off, i can sleep till evening, and who cares!!

But what in your view can be actually  be the fact that i am back  for good and yet you think that i have gone crazy?? No way!!

The Viento

Death with Despair!

Heart-gasping sound of eternity,
Deep breathing within me!
Stumbled upon, blood darkness,
I closed my eyes, in her lie livid beauty...

A big fabricated Lie........

Johanan, high five. You struck me this time. I coundn’t care less. He was true. “We live in a tomb of a big fabricated lie.” Instances :

1)      There the other day, I was watching the Wimbledon  semi-final match between Jo Wilfred Tsonga and Novak Djokovic. The match was a thriller as it has always been. There were people, whom we call audience by the principle, clapping at each and every point and the weird thing was that they were clapping for both. It was not like that they supported one single person.

 I was a stern supporter of Novak Djokovic and I bit my lips every time Tsonga won a point. This is crucial in life, to be focussed towards one single thing, and here I was. But look what I got there. SARCASM. The people were clapping and lauding the both players! Weird, isn’t it? So they seem to be goaless people?? Is that so?? Or were they just enjoying the game; like you see, Novak and Tsonga were their entertainer. They were entertainer. Entertainer doesn’t mean they were jokers or singers. Just entertainer. Coz people were enjoying the game, like they enjoy watching a comedy movie, take it to be a circus!

2)      Now look at this point from a different view. People paid big bucks to see the Wimbledon semi-final, and to get enjoyment, like you can call this ENTERTAINMENT. Didn’t they? And poor Djokovic and Tsonga battled their sweat out, struggling with strength and struggling with every bit of sunlight that attacked them. They toiled hard, and among the two only the one who was winning was enjoying the game. OF course that had to be, coz you never want to be the losing side, and you would always wish  after losing the game to turn back the time, to kick your opponent’s butt out! Someone or the other has to pay the price. Tsonga’s hard toil, running from one end to the other turned futile! And look here, while Tsonga was toiling hard and had to give up at the last moment, the audience were laughing and getting entertained, right? They were enjoying every bit of it, right? But they didn’t do anything, like stopping the game, or atleast, sympathising with Tsonga? ?

3)      Now take a clue, for me, suppose, entertainment is like watching somebody fighting over something. So I would just sit there and watch, right? Coz, I love enjoying seeing a fight! And that’s entertainment for me. So I was going by the road, when I saw three goons fighting a man. I stopped and watched. I had a knife and a gun with me. But I didn’t do anything. The goons kicked him, like we see in movies, but there I was sitting and watching like a silent spectator, like the ABOVE AUDIENCE. That’s entertainment for me, why give up? At the end somebody has to lose, just like Tsonga lost to Djokovic and was heartbroken. Same here, the man was heartbroken as his purse was stolen. But there I was silently watching.

4)      Now you may argue, that that’s not right. That what I did was totally wrong! But how do you know? Maybe the goons needed money for something worth stealing? You may never know? And by the way, who taught you what is right and what is wrong? How do you know which is right and which is wrong? You can’t judge anything by your own conscience, let alone you parents. Coz, there are billions like me who will counter you, the same way  I did. IF what I did was wrong, as the man struggled with the goons, then so was the Wimbledon audience. They were also wrong. They didn’t help Tsonga win, or atleast sympathised with him. SO then what was all this? This was all a lie. The audience was a lie, they were nothing but living a lie, criticizing the loser and comforting the winner, just as I did in a way. They were all watching something which  I call wrong and the same way you can yell at me that I was wrong. So you and I are both living a lie. Neither of us know, what exactly we should do. We keep living our lives just as we are taught to. It’s just like wearing a pink t-shirt which I hate, yet I confess that, it’s good. THAT’S  utter bullshit lie, right? Ain’t it?

5)      Johanan was right, we all are in a fabricated lie. What we do, our actions, are itself a lie. For me, your actions are unexplainably lies, just as this blog to you may seem.

 

 

Where are we?

This is sad. Got a mail from Abhinandan. He mailed me the link to iiser pune blog. See if you want to. But i would advice, you will get depressed! trust me, you better dont peep!! Still if you can't resist to see the off-beat   blog page, then here you go: iiserpune.wordpress.com/blog-page/.
Well, IISER Pune is well ahead of us. Their blog page saddened me; put me in my humps. Whoa! Their profs even blog there! They have a basketball court, a proper maintained new hostel. Both iiser kol and iiser pune were established at the same time, inn'it?? But How are we lagging behind? How is it possible, that we are still lingering and still  in a to-be-kicked-out situation in this bckv campus?? You see, they have what you call a proper football tournament! Like a proper football tournament, guys!! Not like what we have out here! A small football field with a small no. of players with again a small support! This is poignant and depressing. Utterly heart-rending.

We have the highest paid profs, we have the largest campus among all  the fives....still we are so pathetic!!
We all are, especially, the high profile ones are bogus! Abhinandan, could be much happier thus with our blog. Representing oneself is what and how the world cares the damn about you. Fake. We are. I am no more happy with our blog,
Did you ever catch a glimpse of our Director during Inquivesta?? Where the hell was he?? He couldn't care less about it? With Inquivesta being a success,  it was only due to the toil of the students;  the teachers and profs dont even come close to that. Pathetic. Pune has got itself an annual magazine, Kalpa! And amazingly, let me assure you, yet again, you will  be DEMORALIZED. Disgusting. These are just a few instances. We are like far behind....crawling like an ant contrarily they are hopping like the grasshopper.....hmph!

Who am I to curse??

Really, doesn't people want to be a satan? or quite possibly a follower of satan? I do. Sometimes. That sometime is right at this moment, while i am blogging. Synonym for devil, an angel who rebelled against God. But then how can you define God? GOD? GOD? He who does good? He who bestows people all His Love and care? Why is that a custom to write god as in capital letters "GOD" or perhaps "God"?  There are followers of Satan and i've met many of them. Its not that they wanted to harm me or something. But their views were so obnoxious and opposing to a normal man.  Yes, i dont know if i believe in god or not. But still believing in Satan is not what i do too. But sometimes, out of the dirt, i feel, what if??

For most Christians, he is who, who rebelled against God — and also the one who spoke through the serpent and seduced Eve into disobeying God's command.

Satan, before his insurrection, was among the highest of all angels and the brightest in the sky! 
The Book of Revelation tells that Satan was cast out of heaven into The Earth. You have seen rock bands, ACDC, and all, they follow the zombie culture. But does that make them you know what we call satanic? NO, NO way, that is what they believe and so what? I can believe in Satan and follow Satan, but how does it make me satanic? I have to repeat what Satan has done to be satanic!! I believe in neither. But still the edge remains clear like the blue sky. Being Compassionate, being humorous, being emphatic, does that mean i dont believe or follow Satan? Who Knows? /:P\

Oh! Gravity, Oh! Tragedy

This is beautiful,

So much to see in this sky,

Love is bringing me down

And i’m falling down with my own lie..

Oh! Gravity!

Why can’t you bring me down?

Oh! Tragedy!

Why have you made me a clown?

The wine cannot wash away,

So much silent is my pain,

The smoke makes me sway

So much my tears rain..

Oh! Gravity,

Why can’t you again die?

Oh! Tragedy,

Why did you made me lie?

“Silently she whispers near my ear,

I am forever lost without her here,

Memories of her, sings silently

But I bear the pain so gracefully.”

Oh! Gravity,

Why can’t the wind gulp you?

Oh! Tragedy,

Its’ still you and its still true.

It is so much a pain,

Pulled between you and me,

I still wake up and walk,

Tired of this me in the vile sea.

Oh! Gravity,

Fly me away from here,

Oh! Tragedy,

You love to bring this tear.

She still sings in me,

She still fails to see,

That i am drowning,

That i am dying.

Oh! Gravity,

This is what is forever.

Oh! Tragedy,

Why can’t we be together?

Oh! Gravity, Oh! Tragedy,

Masters of my beautiful story....

Forever she...

So much so I love her,

But she is pushing me far too far,

Into this sky where i can’t be,

Where she would never ever see me.

So much so is her beautiful song,

Singing and whispering all along,

Yet i am alone staring at her smile,

Beautiful she is, i get lost for a while.

So much so i am without her,

Twilight and i keep looking at this star,

And my tears make this beautiful rain,

It is so much love, and so, so much pain.

So much so I know she wouldn’t care,

That my deepest feelings are so much there,

And so i walk alone, and so i walk alone,

I wish, i wish, i had all this known. 

So much so, is this beautiful life,

That it pierces my heart with this lovely knife,

My heart flutters at every word she says

 Yet she can’t feel that i go out of my ways.

So much so i know my love,

I want her in this beautiful heaven above.

The roses i had was all spilled in the sea,

Its my deepest feelings that she will never see….

           

Ode to Addiction

 Addicted I am,

To this beautiful loneliness,

Words come and go

But still remains this emptiness.

Addicted i am,

To this beautiful smoke, i smoke,

My mind washes away

The poem that i just wrote.

Addicted i am,

To this darkness around me,

I want to shout and runaway,

For a deep sleep in the sea.

Addicted i am,

To this monotonous smile, i smile,

Even the wind can feel

That i am all lost for a while.

Addicted i am,

To this silence that i love,

Her so painful words, for me

Makes it hard to look above.

Addicted i am,

For a love that will never be mine,

Still i find myself reflecting

In this intoxicated glass of wine.

Addicted i am,

To this so called me, in me..

The wind that ruffles my face,

Whispers ,’that its not her, you see..’

Addicted i am,

To the beautiful roses that i bought,

But the beautiful words of her,

Pushed me far.... too far.....

Addicted i am,

To this beautiful smoke, i smoke,

I wish i could die away

Before i get lost in my vile hope..­­­

No name

How much can you hurt me?

If I just look up and smile?

Without you knowing

That I can love you forever while?

How much can you hate me?

If I just keep staring at you

With silence all around me

And for all you know its true?

How much can you ignore me?

If still I keep running after you,

Humming my worth silently,

The feelings I have you never knew?

How much can you make me pain?

As I had loved it all along,

The beauty in it again,

Is not it reflecting my beautiful song?

How much can you make me bleed?

The blood of love in heart i keep,

But still you never even care,

That it’s my love all around here?

How much can you make me cry?

By the words that you easily say,

And yes, I knew, for you I am a lie,

For sorrows say will never fade away??

How much can you hurt me?

If I just look up and smile,

The love for you,

Will be there forever while.

An ode to God!

God! Is it you?

Who had send me-

To this sorrow?

I cannot recollect myself and see

In that beauteous tomorrow.

God! Were you not the one?

Who made me envy my soul?

Love, was not a word!

As I never had it whole.

One minute stay,

My sorrows say-

“I’ll never fade away…”

God! Wasn’t it you

Who made my pains pain?

With just the sun’s ray

I’d known, it was a vile rain,

Where fears, sorrow, you say

Will ever fade away?

God! Do not save me,

Whenever the darkness I see

Let alone feel it

Let alone face it

Till I hear the nightingale sing

When in me the lifeless soul shall sing.

God! Were you not silent?

Silent; as in the spring?

My sorrows, you let it tremble

As though, in my heart’s string.

                        The silver moon, oh! A beautiful sight

                        My sorrows weep, although merciful

                        Melts my passions at every night.

God! You showed no mercy;

When in me, a love was born.

It sang in my heart, merrily,

And you paved a path, full of thorns.

                        And the bird flattered it’s wing..

                        But my wind forgot to sing.

Oh! I had this silence to blame,

In this sorrow, as why I came

Thought of him, though no one will weep

For serenity; when I think of a deep sleep.

                        And I grieve all along

                        That God…

                        You had been a silent song….

                                                                                                                                                12  Jan, 2007